Now I'm Going to Complain
I thought this was going to get better and it isn't. I'm still very lonely and I've managed to scare away all of the people who tried to be nice to me. All of you say I should just be outgoing and nice but you have no idea how hard it is for me to put myself out there like that. I physically get sick from the mere thought of it. I try my hardest to be nice to the people who do talk to me but I still get the impression they don't really like me. I'm just a pity case to them all - the girl with no friends. I have no idea what to do. I'm so sad at this school, I just don't know what to say to people. There's so many of them. I'm beginning to hate them all for just being there. I'm beginning to hate myself for saying the things I say and doing the things I do. I miss my friends, I want them to be here and I know they can't be here. I'm all alone in this miserable state. I'm so clueless when it comes to people my age. I feel like such an outcast among them.
posted by The Deceiver at 1:10 PM
7 Comments:
it is indeed very hard for people to understand exactly what you're going through and feel through the actual challenges you feel. and feel alone.
there is only one thing i can still suggest, although advice can only go so far...
do not identify yourself as a pity case. don't feel like one. choose
another paradigm or whatever, and a positive self-image for seeing yourself and imagining that others see , or soon will see you that way too.
and about the hate of your own words and actions - i felt, and still do feel to a degree, this thing ALL THE TIME. even though I did have friends, I feel this way around them. even you sometimes. it's not an insurmountable situation, just a personal security issue. (as opposed to national, haha).. no really, whatever you do, don't start thinking you're insecure. if you're not confident, you won't trick yourself into it, but you can at least identify yourself as a happy introvert, or something of the sort that can give some comfort and help alleviate the loneliness and second-guessing yourself.
DAMMIT WHERE ARE YOU.
DAMMIT.
colofreakingrado.
snow.
SNOW.
what place freaking snows?!
What can I say but sorry. I wish I could tell you it will get better, but it won't. There is 1 question to ask yourself to put this into a little prespective; Is there anybody there really worth knowing?
theJDman
I'm hoping this won't come spiralling down hill ontop of you
because you're worth more than that
i can only imagine what it would be like... and fearing that you wont' make use of any of my suggestions... i don't know what else to say
other than... if you don't think your a pity case, and start acting independent and like yourself back home... no one will SEE atleast how interesting you truly are
can you find any college kids to hang out with? since you don't understand people your age?
Maша, что меня так расстраивает - ну как предальство же! - что ты так легко можешь говорить или подозревать, что я (Я!!) сама не ищу все возможные способы и не стремлюсь всеми силами к тебе приехаеть... да и вообще во всем защищать твои интересы. Я тебе говорю, что тебя люблю и говорю, что приеду как смогу. Поэтому я воспринимаю как плевок в лицо когда ты на меня обижаешься, когда тебе кажется, что это не так как я говорю. (Да не может быть, что ты это не понимаешь! или это манипуляцая?) Это просто огромное для меня frustration - что ты ко мне относишься без доверия.
кстати, я уже заработала на половину билета.
да и вообще у меня это приоритет (то есть приехать к тебе) - и ты должна это понимать. Я выпрыгиваю из штанов, чтобы спланировать все вокруг этого.
ты не представляешь как меня глубоко ранит когда ты так ко мне относишься - недоверие больше губит дружбу чем расстояние.
Ti prosto bol'she proivila entusiasma poehat' v Moskvu chem ko mne. Dlia menya eto toje bol'no. To chto dlia tebya gorod vajnee, chem ya. Ti mojet viprigivaesh is shtanov, chtobi ko mne priehat', no ti bistree viprignesh iz shtanov, chtobi poehat' v Moskvu. Kak bud-to u tebya poslednii prioritet eto ya.
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