Thoughts
I've been thinking a bit about life lately. What it is and Why people are always unhappy (the Truth is -- I don't know. What makes people happy? What makes me happy? I have no clue. I just know it isn't Colorado).Shit, this is hard. Life is so big and scary. I love it because it's so mysterious but I hate because I don't know what it is and I can't plan it. And I want to know where God is and why He isn't helping us deal with all of this Life. I can see how so many people could just spend their lives thinking about it. There's so freaking much! You might think you've got the general picture but there are all of these knooks and crannies. Eventually, most people just choose a certain one and spend the rest of their time in there.
It hard to tell when people are really miserable or are just making themselves so. It's easy to assume they're doing it to themselves. You have to open their mouths and climb inside their brains to figure them out. People just don't get each other. People just don't get themselves, either. None of us can accurately describe ourselves, we all see ourselves one way but really are another way. It's as if our real selves are these omnipotent observers of us -- we can't see ourselves but our selves can see us. It's so confusing. So what does it mean to "be yourself"? People keep telling me to "be myself" and I don't know what that "self" is. Who am I? The closest to an answer that I've gotten so far is that my "self" is the person I am when I don't think about me. It's only logical that you'll be the True You when you don't think about it.
posted by The Deceiver at 9:25 PM
6 Comments:
thats why its scary to get in that rut where all you think about is if you're thinking enough about the world around you... because its a HUGE hole and its hard to climb out of... like my first 3 weeks at camp...
i'm so happy ur coming to visit
it'll make things better
i love you
cammie
Wow. These questions of self and life I tried to unravel in a much muckier way in a personal journal recently. (I'm praising you
for your clarity of expression.) These are questions that I stub my mind's toe on all the time. It's so damn painful and we know
pain is useful - but how to use it?
Your question of self is quite valid - and I also was thinking that we may be most "ourselves" when unconsciously acting.
There are people I know that seem to be very much "themselves" and they never appear to give a thought to the concept of
self. (But what sort of characteristics can define a self? Does knowing that someone is optimistic, athletic, and generous tell us
about their selves?) And I do think unconsciousness, because it counters Life isn't worthy of defining something Real. So then
I try to enter a state of true Consciousness, and find myself increasingly, and very frustratingly, losing self
(as a separate and distinct entity) and blending into a territory which defies definition, definity and any sort of delineation. I
think that God may be this Great and Full Consciousness that I fall short of. That I'm quite sure, keeps me human.
And you brought up the identification of a person with his immediate environment - "Eventually, most people just choose a
certain one and spend the rest of their time in there" . I was thinking about this, and one day on the way back home from the
train station, I realized it was like the difference between trying to grab and embrace the whole world, find and know all the
nooks and crannies... and picking up a handful of earth from where you stand. In the first case, you find understanding
slipping from your grasp, and in the second, though it's poor, you've got something to hold onto. I think that's why people
choose to accomodate themselves to what they know and identify themselves in rather basic ways - not to mention all the
ways we do this completely unconsciously. Identification and structure is comforting - but I find myself doubting, a little more
each day, that Reality can be this way.
I wholeheartedly believe that our real selves are our omnipotent observers... I think this lies at the heart of real meditation,
particulartly of Sufi and Buddhist traditions. In fact, in one of my books, it is suggested that you imagine that your reflection in
the mirror is looking at you, not the other way around.
Although I'm superficially considered a good writer, I find myself more tongue-tied and know my writing lacks your freshness
and clarity. But I hope you've understood what I've tried to say.
One more thing:
I think nature gives God's clues to the answers. Identification, and self as a separate entity can be likened to colors, which in a
way don't exist at all. They do show up separately, and this is one kind of reality. But then there is light (pure and white)
that contains them, creates them, and goes beyond their sum and their beauty. So maybe we're all just rays that have split away from the Supreme Beam (good Lord, I sound ridiculous) and what color we are (spiritually and selfly, speaking, not racially of course) is not so important as when we're coming back to Unity!
OH my! :o
This is absolutely incredible, and you won't believe me. Today I was sifting through old emails, and came upon one of the almost-daily Rumi poems I sometimes get. I hadn't ever read it.
But the end goes like this, and it says exactly the thing I was trying to say with that last paragraph:
"That which amazed you in the faces of the fair
is the Light of the Sun reflected in the three-colored glass.
The glasses of diverse hue cause the Light to appear colored to us.
When the many-colored glasses are no more,
then the colorless Light amazes you.
Make it your habit to behold the Light without the glass,
so that when the glass is shattered you may not be left blind."
http://infostore.org/info/1422354?refer=1415289&rs=3
You've probably seen tons of stuff like this, but really, this is special, and you have to watch for a long long time.
Fedya
where are you... muhhh reee uhhh
yes i suppose that could partially be the cause of it
but you're coming home pretty soon
and i'm excited
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